We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
        -- Vivek 
%
You go insane if you go without sleep for too long.
And not in a good way, either.
        -- diane@firelily.com (Diane Wilson)
%
It is neither possible nor necessary to educate people who never
question anything.
        -- Joseph Heller
%
I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma.
        -- The Wizard of OZ
%
NINE out of TEN farm animals prefer that you eat more CHICKEN!!
        -- Andre Engels 
%
A child is not a glass that is filled but a fire that is set ablaze.
        -- Vincent van Gogh
%
A ship is safe in a harbor
But that is not what ships are built for.
        -- Jonathan Stowe 
%
You look lovely this evening. Have you decreased in mass?
        -- Alien, The Simpsons
%
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
        -- Greg Bacon
%
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who
have not got it. 
        -- George Bernard Shaw
%
Too many people, too few sheep
        -- Matthew Crosby
%
Disclaimer:  It was another country, and besides, the wench is dead.
        -- Michael J. Hammel
%
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
        -- Tom Wheeley 
%
I know you're supposed to take life one day at a time -- but lately 
several days have attacked me at once.
        -- Jim 
%
The problem with success is you become what you detest.
	-- Jesus Jones, "The Right Decision"
%
When looking back, usually I'm more sorry for the things
I didn't do than for the things I shouldn't have done.
	-- Malcolm Forbes
%
Get really stoned: drink wet concrete.
        -- anon
%
Q: What does it mean when they fly the flag at half mast over 
   the post office?
A: They're hiring
        -- David Thorburn-Gundlach 
%
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
        -- Mark Donnelly 
%
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
        -- Osma Ahvenlampi 
%
Possessor of a mind not merely twisted but actually sprained.
        -- Bob Richardson 
%
Serenity through confinement.
        -- Vivek 
%
You go insane if you go without sleep for too long.
And not in a good way, either.
        -- Osma Ahvenlampi 
%
By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task
completely overwhelm you.
        -- Marc Matteo 
%
To ensure peace of mind, ignore the rules and regulations.
	-- George Aide
%
A wrong note played hesitatingly is a wrong note. A wrong note played with
conviction is interpretation.
        -- Kurt Kohler 
%
Be very, very careful what you put into that
head, because you will never, ever get it out.
	-- Cardinal Wolsey
%
The biggest cause of trouble in the world today is that
the stupid people are so sure about things and the
intelligent folks are so full of doubts.
	-- Bertrand Russell
%
This matter is best disposed of from a great height, over water.
        -- Ingmar Greil
%
If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something
to do with a shortage of flowers.
	-- Doug Larson
%
If I want your opinion, I'll read your entrails.
	-- Doug Shewfelt
%
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation
but not the power of speech.
 	-- George Bernard Shaw
%
Liberty means responsibility.  That is why most men dread it.
	-- George Bernard Shaw
I don't know if there are men on the moon, but
if there are, they must be using Earth as their lunatic asylum.
	-- George Bernard Shaw
%
If you let the system beat you long enough, eventually it'll get tired.
        -- Greg Fischer 
%
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the
self-help section?"  She said if she told me, it would defeat
the purpose.
        -- Paul Crittenden 
%
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
	-- David Bedno
%
A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.
	-- Lao Tzu
%
...if the highlight of your day is prowling through signatures looking for
pithy quotes or neat phrases, then consider a career with the IRS or NSA...
        -- Troy Williams
%
GPS is just another excuse for men not to ask for directions.
	-- Richard Horwitz 
%
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he
gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.
	-- Anonymous 
%
My employer disavows any knowledge of my actions and
keeps hoping that I'll self-destruct in five seconds.
        -- Jeff Fisher 
%
An employer once said, -What if I train my people and they leave.-
I say, what if you don't train them..... and they stay..
        -- Evan Kirshenbaum
%
What is a vasectomy?
Conversion from a utility to a sports model.
        -- George Allegrezza  12-Oct-1995 1534 
%
I called the Census Bureau to see why they hadn't sent me a
form, and they said that I was too nondescript to influence the
demographics one way or another.
        -- Liz Stokes
%
If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people together to
collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather
teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.
	-- Antoine de Saint Exupery
%
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion,
butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet,
balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying,
take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations,
analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a
tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.  Specialization is
for insects.
	-- Robert A. Heinlein
%
`...this is the rock solid principle on which the whole of the
Corporation's Galaxy-wide success is founded - their fundamental
design flaws are completely hidden by their superficial design flaws.
	-- Douglas Adams
%
If I'm ever stuck on a broken spaceship, I hope I've got a couple of
NASA engineers and a case of duct tape aboard...
        -- Thomas J. Nugent
%
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you
looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
	-- Poul Anderson
%
When the tornado sirens sound, meteorologists head for the roof;
atmospheric scientists head for the basement.
	-- John Boyd
%
Being dead is less lonely than being alive in
only that you aren't awake to notice it.
        -- Simon Travaglia
%
A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents
and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents
eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar
with it.
	-- Max Planck, 1949
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored
by little statesman and philosophers and divines.  With consistency
a great soul has simply nothing to do.
	-- Ralph Waldo Emerson; Essays
%
I have lived some [twenty] years on this planet, and I have yet
to hear the first syllable of value or even earnest advice from
my seniors.
	-- Henry David Thoreau [almost]
%
The question seems to be of such a character that if I should come
 to life after my death and some mathematician were to tell me that
 it had been definitely settled, I think I would immediately drop
 dead again.
	-- Vandiver
%
The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the sea searching for a
suitable rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for
life.  For this task, it has a rudimentary nervous system.  When
it finds its spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain anymore
so it eats it! (It's rather like getting tenure.)"
	-- From CONSCIOUSNESS EXPLAINED, Daniel Dennett, p. 177
%
A good rule of thumb to keep in mind is that anything that calls
itself `science' probably isn't.
        -- Dave O'Shea
%
Americans are a broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person
can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife-beater, and even a newspaperman,
but if a man doesn't drive there's something wrong with him.
	-- Art Buchwald
%
Yes, you can carry your AK-47 on the streets, fully loaded. We do
ask that you don't put a round in the pipe, for safty reasons only.
	-- Philomath Police Dept.
%
Every so often, Innumeracy strikes.  Out of all Americans,  a lot suffer
from it.  But we can win the fight against Innumeracy with your help.
All it takes is a few pennies a day.
        -- Bruce Watson
%
I have looked into the abyss, and the abyss has looked into me.
Neither liked what we saw.
	-- Brother Theodore
%
Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always
optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea
what the heck is really going on.
	-- Mike Royko
%
I, like all men, have never grown up. Other men lie and say they
have. I refuse to lie. I try to be a creative child, using my
immaturity in such ways as benefit my society rather than harm it.
	-- Ray Bradbury, _Yestermorrow_
%
We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed.  As in
filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it
run over, so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which
makes the heart run over.
	-- Ray Bradbury
%
Numbers exist only in our minds. There is no physical entity that
that _is_ number 1. If there were, 1 would be in a place of honor
in some great museum of science, and past it would file a
steady stream of mathematicians gazing at 1 in wonder and awe.
        -- Ron Baalke
%
"My doctor says that I have a malformed public duty gland and a
 natural deficiency in moral fiber," he muttered to himself,
"and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes."
	-- Ford Prefect
%
When murders are committed by mathematics, they can be solved by
mathematics. Most of them aren't, and this one wasn't.
	-- Nick Charles (Dashiell Hammett's "The Thin Man")
%
We are all agreed that your theory is crazy.  The question which
divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being
correct.  My own feeling is that it is not crazy enough.
	-- Niels Bohr
%
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the
only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
	-- Wernher von Braun
%
I think prejudice is stupid, because there are so many reasons
to hate people on an individual basis.
	-- Anonymous
%
A great many people think they are thinking when
they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
	-- William James
%
The importance of bluffing lies not in the actual play, played
against a good player, but in the protection it provides against
the opponent's potential deviations from the good strategy.
	-- Von Neumann and Morgenstern
%
Is it Saturday yet?  Holes in the knee, punctured gums, sore finger
tips, missing pieces, and worlds borne from piles to palaces.
Ah, the joy and comfort of Lego.
        -- Captain Dun'sl
%
A crayon can take you to more places than a Starship can.
	-- Guinan
%
Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead
where there is no path so others may follow.
        -- Jim Kissel
%
What no wife of a writer can ever understand is that a
writer is working when he's staring out of the window.
	-- Burton Rascoe
%
The RF-4E Phantom - Living proof that if you put enough engine on
something...even a BRICK could fly!
	-- W. Weasel
%
Man belongs to the Earth.
The Earth does not belong to man.
        -- David Turner
%
Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines.
        -- Vince Skahan
%
Getting people to give vast amounts of money when there's no firm
idea what that money will do is like throwing maidens down a well.
	-- P. J. O'Rourke, Give War a Chance
%
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change, the courage to change the things
I can and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those
people I had to kill because they pissed me off.
        -- Geoffrey Warren Hicks
%
Lost, yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset, two golden
hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered,
for they are gone forever.
	-- Horace Mann
%
That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
That which kills us makes us dead.
        -- David Barr
%
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right 
to be taken seriously.
	-- Hubert Humphrey
%
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in
overalls and looks like work.
	-- Thomas Edison
%
The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the sword
is very short and the pen is very sharp.
        -- Charles Todd
%
Blank Pieces of paper were invented to remind you how
hard it is to be God.
%
Our reasoning goes something like this:  "If I want it, I need it.
If I need it, it's my right.  If it's my right, someone should
give it to me.  Or else I'll sue."
        -- Newsweek June 27, 1994
%
Our earth is degenerate in these latter days.  Bribery and
corruption are common.  Children no longer obey their parents.
Every man wants to write a book....  The end of the world is
evidently approaching.
	-- On a stone slab carved in 2800 B.C. in Assyria
%
Worst case of testosterone poisoning *I've* ever seen!
	--  Lt. Cmdr. Ivanova, _Babylon 5_
%
Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to
travel across the country from coast to coast without seeing
anything.
	-- Charles Kuralt
%
I'm not sure which upsets me more: that people are so unwilling to
accept responsibility for their own actions, or that they are so
eager to regulate everyone else's.
        -- John Antypas
%
There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who
take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less
competition there.
	-- Indiri Gandhi
%
(Roller coaster on camera:)  "Wow, this square quarter mile
has unbelievably good light rail transit!"
	-- MST3K