Fraser, tossing guy in cell: That's the last time he'll fish over the limit.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser asks for a transfer to Chicago. 
Gerard: And you're gonna - what? Go charging across the border frisking
        sportsmen at random?
  -- Due South
%
Ray: Okay, who let the Mountie into the holding cell?
  -- Due South
%
Walsh: ... and one guy who claims to have been bitten by a wolf. 
Ray:   The wolf was just trying to help, sir. 
Walsh: They usually are.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser at Ray's house where everyone is yelling at the dinner table:
Fraser: Is it always like this? 
Ray:    It's okay. They only attack the ones they love.
  -- Due South
%
Ray: 12700 Franklin, one officer on the scene, and tell 'em not to 
     shoot the guy in the hat.
  -- Due South
%
RCMP Boss: I talked to the Super at your last job. He suggested
           transferring you further north. 
Fraser:    Well, that would put me in Russia, sir.
  -- Due South
%
Ray: Fraser, this is Chicago. The only reason to open a window is to 
     get a better aim.
  -- Due South
%
Landlord: On a good day you can see Canada just across the lake. 
Fraser:   Canada is 480 miles due north. 
Dennis:   You have to really squint.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: She shot my hat, Ray. 
Ray:    She shot you in the hat? 
Fraser: I can feel air coming in through the hole. 
Ray:    She shot you in the hat, all right. 
Fraser: How does it look, Ray? 
Ray:    Doesn't look good. 
Fraser: We'll have to go home and get my other one. 
Ray:    We can do that, Fraser. 
Fraser: Thanks, Ray.
  -- Due South
%
Ray to Louis: Why try to find out who did it when you can blame the 
              nearest twelve year-old? I know a toddler you can arrest
              for assault. 
  -- Due South
%
Ray: Lieutenant, can I help it if the kid will only talk to a Mountie? 
  -- Due South
%
Welsh: The wolf is not involved in this, is it? 
Ray:   Only peripherally, Sir.
  -- Due South
%
Ray to Elaine: Did you know that he pins his wallet to his underwear? 
Elaine:        Cool. 
Fraser:        Well, actually I was very young and the underwear was
               rather long and... Ray?
  -- Due South
%
Fraser, putting the milk on the shelf instead of in the fridge:
 I am perfectly capable of handling myself in any situation. I am. 
 I am a Mountie.
  -- Due South
%
Ray, explaining Dief's licensed status:
   I xeroxed a dog license and I put in "wolf".
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: I need your help, Ray. 
Ray:    Does it involve domestic animals? 
Fraser: Not that I am aware. 
Ray:    Then I'm your man.
  -- Due South
%
Ray: Oh, ah, excuse me, my associate's applying dairy foods to his body.
  -- Due South
%
Francesca to Fraser, who is waiting in the bathroom for Ray to finish
  showering: Oh! Sorry, I didn't know you were in here. 
Maria: Didn't know?!  She's been standing in the doorway, timing it 
       so you'd be undressed.
  -- Due South
%
Ray: This is why I don't like to help you, because I get humiliated.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: Ray, what's a come-on?
  -- Due South
%
Welsh, about Dief: 
 Unfortunately wolves are such notoriously bad witnesses.
 In my experience, they tend to fold under cross-examination.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: When I was a young scout working on my ecology badge I insinuated
        myself into a hunting party in order to catch a baby seal killer. 
Ray:    So what happened? 
Fraser: Well, I was clubbed repeatedly, Ray.
  -- Due South
%
Ray: Oh, no, Benny, not the window! ...I don't think they have doors
     in Canada.
  -- Due South
%
Ray: Okay, have you humiliated me enough for one night, or do we need to
     cruise the neighborhood so you can smell out a robbery?
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: That's a cultural stereotype, Ray. 
Ray:    Yeah, look who's talking.
  -- Due South
%
Huey: So: no witnesses, no victims, no evidence. You know that this sounds
      like, Louis? 
Gardino: A UFO sighting?!
  -- Due South
%
Ford to Welsh, regarding Fraser: Who's he? 
Welsh: He's a Mountie. 
Ford:  What's he doing here? 
Welsh: I'm never entirely sure.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: I'm not certain but it sounds like 'doowsh, doowsh.' What does that
        sound like to you? 
Ray:    How about the sound of my job going down the toilet?  I'm sitting 
        in a dark closet with a Mountie being licked by a deaf wolf. That 
        was the wolf, wasn't it? 
Fraser: Yes, Ray. 
Ray:    Oh, thank God!
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: You know, you--you let a wolf save your life, they make you pay
        and pay and pay... 
Ray:    That's why I don't own a wolf.
  -- Due South
%
Huey, to Gardino: Louis, try to grasp this concept.  A Mountie and a
  badly dressed Italian are solving more cases than we are.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser, talking to Dief: You have to give opera more than one chance. That
was the Yukon Light Opera and I thought they did their very best under
extraordinarily difficult circumstances.  In fact, it's a miracle that poor
woman was able to sing at all after having been dragged from that snowdrift.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser, talking to his father's ghost: Is there any insanity in our family? 
Bob Fraser: No, Not that I'm aware of. 
Fraser:     Good. 
Bob Fraser: Well, there was your Uncle Tiberius who died wrapped in cabbage
            leaves but we assumed that was a freak accident.
  -- Due South
%
The corridor is full of Elvis impersonators. 
Gardino: I said elves, you moron! ELVES!
  -- Due South
%
Ray:    Oh, what's your theory? The guy jumped from the fifth floor of the
        hospital, caught a thermal updraft and flew the 16 blocks to the 
        river? 
Fraser: Well, that's just silly, Ray.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser successfully gets himself committed. 
Fraser: Well, you see, I used to live in the Yukon but I uncovered a plot
  that involved drowning caribou and then some men who were dressed in white
  came after me with homicidal intentions. It's a rather long story and it
  takes exactly two hours to tell, but the upshot of it is I was sent here. 
  I think I embarrassed some people in the govenment. 
Psychiatrist: Do you have anyone who can vouch for you here? 
Fraser: Well, yes, there's my wolf. Although I'm not sure he would vouch
  for me. If you know anything about lupine behavior, you know how moody 
  they are and on top of that, he's deaf.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: Do you know how long you've been in here? 
Walter/John Doe: I'm insane, not stupid.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: I think you'll be pleased to know that I've taken the liberty of
        officially reprimanding myself. 
Welsh:  Good, good. Put it in the file with the rest of them.
  -- Due South
%
Welsh: You know, for once I'd like to have somebody besides a Mountie come
       into my station and confess.
  -- Due South
%
Ray: Come on, maybe we'll get lucky and he'll blurt out a spontaneous 
     confession.
  -- Due South
%
Welsh: Detective Vecchio, have you caused a riot here yet this moning? 
Ray:   Not that I'm aware of, Sir. 
Welsh: Good. Gardino, give him your shirt. 
  -- Due South
%
Ray:    I want a state by state countdown until we get to Winnipeg. 
Fraser: Windsor. 
Ray:    Yeah, like there's a difference. 
  -- Due South
%
Ray: Kilometres? Look, Fraser, when we cross the border you can start 
     talking in Canadian. Until then, let's stick to English, okay? 
  -- Due South
%
Bad Guy: Can you go a little faster? The kids in that bus were laughing
         at us. 
  -- Due South
%
Ian: Do you believe everything people tell you, huh? How do you get 
     through a day?! 
Ray: Did I tell you he was yanking your chain? 
Fraser, swallowing first: My mistake. 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: My father said something that's always stuck with me, Ray. 
Ray:    Your father never shut up, did he? 
Fraser: He said a man with no future will always run to his past. 
Ray:    And when did this come up, Fraser? Were you sitting around at
        breakfast when he came up with these things or did he come running 
        into your room and just blurt 'em out? 
Fraser: Ray, there's no need to be sarcastic. 
Ray:    No. I'm just curious. How did he work these things into every day
        conversation? Did he say 'son, did you see the size of that moose,
        and by the way, a man with no future will always run to his past'? 
  -- Due South
%
Ian: They're all Mounties. The RCMP do not want me to testify. 
  -- Due South
%
Canadian woman: Would you look at that. More stranded motorists with
                guns. 
  -- Due South
%
Ray to the Riv: Oh baby, oh baby, did he hurt you? Did he hurt you?
  -- Due South
%
Ray, to the dispatcher: Officer in pursuit of black Cadillac in pursuit of
  two guys on ice skates. Why is that so hard to believe?
  -- Due South
%
Ray:    Oh God. Sorry, Father. 
Priest: That is your sister, isn't it? 
Ray:    Uh, yes, it is, Father. 
Priest: Oh God.
  -- Due South
%
Welsh:  I have to ask you this. Don't you have a job of your own? 
Fraser: Oh, yes, sir. But I had the early shift this moning. 
Welsh:  And you have nothing better to do with your life than hang
        around here and help us solve crimes? 
Fraser: No, sir.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: We had a schoolyard bully in Tuktoyaktuk once.  Sometimes at night I 
        can still remember him coming into the classroom, swinging that 
        otter over his head.  There was just no reasoning with him.
  -- Due South
%
Francesca: Forgive me, Father, for what I am about to do. 
Priest:    This isn't about the Mountie again, is it?
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: Someone struck me with a sea otter. 
Elaine: I guess that's what happens in a country with gun control. 
Fraser: Oh, I believe he shot the otter first. 
Elaine: That's just cruel. 
Fraser: Uh yes, but you see, strictly speaking he did adhere to the
        law because swinging a live otter is illegal in the Territories.
  -- Due South
%
Ray is wearing Fraser's uniform, doing doorman duty and being rude to 
the guests. 
Moffat: Mental note. Send Fraser north for a little R&R. I think he's 
        been spending too much time with that Chicago policeman.
  -- Due South
%
Ray:    You don't want to know why I'm wearing your uniform. 
Fraser: I just assumed it was something personal.
  -- Due South
%
Ray: Do you know what I love about Canadians? They're really easy to 
     elbow out of the way.
  -- Due South
%
Bob Fraser: I arrested your mother once. 
Fraser:     You did not! 
Bob Fraser: Honest to God. I gave her a speeding ticket. 
Fraser:     You knew it was her car and you pulled her over anyway? 
Bob Fraser: No, I was right there in the passenger seat. 
Fraser (disbelieving): Get out! 
Bob Fraser: She was doing 45 in a 30. 
Fraser:     Mom? 
Bob Fraser: I kept telling her I was going to do it and she kept speeding 
            up. Made absolutely no sense.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: You should take the deal. 
Ray:    I haven't been offered one. 
Fraser: You should take it anyway. 
Ray:    Hey, Benny: not in your lifetime.
  -- Due South
%
Ray, referring to Dief staying at the hospital with Fraser: 
  Don't they have rules about this sort of thing? 
Fraser: 
  The nurses have all taken pity on him. They feed him. They water him. 
  They walk him regularly. They like him. He likes them. He eats better 
  than I do. I think he's even happier here. Ingrate.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser, about his scar: It was an otter. I was ten. It was dead. 
  Someone hit me with it. Can we move on?
  -- Due South
%
Ray:    We're lost. 
Fraser: No, we're not. We just don't know where we are.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: My God, Ray. Another plane crash. What are the odds?! 
Ray, rather frazzled: It's our plane crash, you moron!
  -- Due South
%
Dief howls. 
Ray: Yeah, very funny. What, do you think you're a wolf or something?
  -- Due South
%
Ray: This is how they punish Mounties in Canada? They make them dress 
     like Americans? 
  -- Due South
%
Ray:          Look, I'm a cop. I may not be alive tomorrow. 
Bank manager: Well, according to this you're not alive now.
  -- Due South
%
Ray:    She wants me bad. 
Fraser: I think she wants to kill you. 
Ray:    Hmm. That, too.
  -- Due South
%
Ray to Fraser: There're plenty of times that I want to kill you and I'm
               your best friend.
  -- Due South
%
Ray is trying to find a restaurant to take Louise St. Laurent to. 
Ray:    Fraser, can you recommend a place? 
Fraser: Um, 'Crabs 'n Things'? 
Ray:    Would you give that [the restaurant guide] to Eric, please?! 
Eric:   Hey! How 'bout the Loose Moose?
  -- Due South
%
Ray: Why is this my life? Mounties, wolves, Tsimshian.
  -- Due South
%
Ray: The Canadian?! The Canadian is the killer? Oh, that is so unCanadian.
  -- Due South
%
The electricity in Fraser's building has been cut off. Dief tries to 
steal the blanket. 
Fraser: Stop stealing the blanket. 
[Dief whines] 
Fraser: You're an Arctic Wolf, for God's sake.
  -- Due South
%
Anita: The American shot him. Why is he apologizing? 
Welsh: He's Canadian.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: Ray. Duck. 
[Ray hits the deck] 
Duck:   Quack, quack. 
Fraser: Anas platyrhynchos. Very unusual sighting for this time of year. 
Ray:    Duck. [Brushes snow off himself] Duck. Duck means *duck*. Duck
        doesn't mean 'duck'. I hate my life.
  -- Due South
%
Ray:    Aren't you worried about your wolf around all these chickens? 
Fraser: Well, as long as they aren't in possession of
        any Milk Duds, they should be fine.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser to Thatcher, who is having dinner with a lecherous superior: 
          Your car's on fire. 
Superior: Oh, please! 
Fraser:   No, it is. It's burning away. All the other cars feel threatened.
  -- Due South
%
Ray: Frank Nitti's flask, Elliot Ness's gun. What is this? A garage sale 
     for the Untouchables?
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: I think the person who invented pantyhose should be brought
        up on charges of cruelty, sadism and reckless endangerment. They 
        pinch in the most inappropriate places. 
Ray:    Yeah, well, most people who wear 'em don't have those places.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser forgets to take off his perfume before resuming his Consulate duties. 
Thatcher: Is that perfume I smell, Fraser? 
Fraser:   Passion Flower, ma'am.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser, dressed as a woman, makes Ray open the car door for him. 
Fraser: Ray, manners! 
Ray:    Ya know Benny, there's a limit. 
Fraser: A limit to good etiquette? I think not, Ray. 
Ray:    Just get in the car before I beat you with your purse.
  -- Due South
%
Ray cuts in on another guy who was dancing with 'Ms' Fraser. 
Ray:    You owe me. 
Fraser: For what? 
Ray:    For saving you from dancing with a guy. 
Fraser: Well, it would appear that I still am dancing with a guy, Ray.
  -- Due South
%
Ray:    You know, Benny, you weren't a bad looking woman. 
Fraser: Thank you, Ray. 
Ray:    You weren't exactly my type either. 
Fraser: Well, what exactly is your type, Ray? 
Ray:    Oh, I like a woman who is kind and honest with a good sense of humor. 
Fraser: Well, I don't have those qualities? 
Ray:    No, you do. I just like a woman who is, you know, a woman. 
Fraser: Oh, that's picky, Ray. 
Ray:    Oh, don't get in a snit. 
Fraser: Oh, I'm not. 
Ray:    Oh, good. 
Fraser: Oh, fine. 
Ray:    So, what are you doing after work? 
Fraser: Nothing with you. 
Ray:    You are ssooo sensitive.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser to Dief: Let's go. Are you deaf? I mean, I know you are literally 
                deaf... oh, forget it.
  -- Due South
%
Randall Bolt about the Mounties: Hunks on horseback...let's do it.
  -- Due South
%
Ray: There are people on that train. Sure, they're Canadians, but they're
     still people.
  -- Due South
%
Buck Frobisher: I've found it! Found the brake. 
Bob Fraser:     What makes you think it's the brake? 
Buck:           It's written right on it: BRAKE! 
Bob Fraser:     Ahhh! Could be a ruse. 
Buck:           To what end? 
Bob Fraser:     Something criminal.
  -- Due South
%
Bob Fraser, about the Mounties: What about the men? 
Buck Frobisher: Well, if Benton's right, they should be coming to
 right about... now! 
Mounties [singing]: We're gonna ri-ide forever!
  -- Due South
%
Fraser, calling the Consulate: Constable Tunbull? Yes, it's Constable
Fraser. Listen, I wonder if you'd be so kind as to stay on duty for...
approximately 20 minutes until my arrival?...No, you won't get into trou...
I'm sure the Insp...Tunbull? Tunbull, calm down. Now you are just the
messenger. She will not shoot you. Well, if she does, I'll admit I was wrong.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser retuns to duty two hours late. 
Thatcher: Would you care to tell me where you've been? 
Fraser:   Well... I've been in a closet, ma'am. 
Thatcher: Any particular closet? 
Fraser:   An exotic dancer's closet. 
Thatcher: Well, that's your business, of course. 
Fraser:   I don't think you understand, ma'am. I was in the closet with
          Detective Vecchio.
  -- Due South
%
Madeline (the DA): So we can arrest him? 
Ray: For what, assault with poultry?
  -- Due South
%
Ray, about Carver: If I was acting out of pure emotion, I would just kill
the guy. So anything you see short of that is a model of restraint.
  -- Due South
%
Carver: There must be some logical explanation for why you're going
        around on duty with a Chicago policeman. 
Fraser: Curious, possibly. But logical, no.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser and Ray are strapped to a bomb that will go off if their combined
heartrate exceeds 200, and Ray of course gets upset. 
Fraser: Please please please... hmmmmmmmm... 
Ray:    What are you doing? 
Fraser: Hmmmmm - dropping my heartrate - hmmmmmm... 
Ray:    In the middle of an argument? 
Fraser: Hmmmmmmm - don't let me stop you - hmmmmmm... 
Ray:    I'm gonna *kill* you! 
Fraser: Hmmmmmm - that's very possible.
  -- Due South
%
The friction causes Fraser's glove to catch alight as they slide down the
elevator cable. 
Fraser: Oh dear. 
Ray:    What? 
Fraser: Well, it... it would appear... Yep, I'm on fire, Ray. 
Ray:    Well, at least the whole day isn't a total write-off.
%
Fraser: And then we... umm... 
Ray:    Bonded. 
Fraser: Bonded. We bonded?
  -- Due South
%
Ray (explaining their friendship to Fraser): I mean, it's just one
of those special cases where alone we're incomplete, but together
we're better than we are separate.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser remembers the license plate number. 
Ray:    Oh, Benny, I could kiss you. 
Fraser: I thought we were just friends, Ray. 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser's superior: In the course of the pursuit of this litterbug you 
  effectively destroyed three riverboats, two light aircraft, four ATV 
  and one punt. 
Fraser:   The punt was purely accidental, Sir. 
Superior: As they so often are, aren't they. 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser's father explains how one good thing came out of him and his wife
living in an igloo for four months. Fraser thinks he means himself. 
Fraser: You never told me. 
Bob Fraser: I didn't tell you about Dirt McGurk?! Oh, yeah, I chased that
rat for years. He walked right up to the igloo. Didn't think there was a
Mountie inside. Easiest arrest I ever made. 
  -- Due South
%
Welsh: Constable, you've retuned. Upon reflection I imagine that
       pleases me.  
  -- Due South
%
Fraser:   I believe that was a stop sign. 
Kowalski: My house could be buning down and you're worried about a stop sign? 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski to Dief, who is licking him: Get off me exclamation mark! 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: Routine is the silent killer. 
Fraser:   I thought that was high blood pressure. 
Kowalski: No, we changed that. 
Fraser:   When? 
Kowlaski: When you were on vacation. 
  -- Due South
%
Frannie to Kowlaski, about Fraser: Doesn't he know...? 
Kowalski: Thinks he's a comedian, har de ha ha ha. 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: Geiger was an escaped convict sworn to vengeance on a legendary
        Mountie who bore an uncanny resemblance to the Canadian actor 
        and comedian eslie Nielsen. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowlaski, pretending to read from the pamphlet on how to become a Canadian
citizen: Step one: get a big hat. Step two: lick electrical sockets. 
         Step three... 
  -- Due South
%
Kowlaski: Fraser, what are you doing?! Do not touch my inner thigh
          or calf! 
Fraser:   Get your foot off the brake! 
Kowalski: I'm trying to stop! 
Fraser:   You cannot stop the car! 
Kowalski: Not with you holding onto my leg I can't! 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: You know I'm Ray. Don't fight it, Benton-buddy. 
Fraser:   You're not Ray. You don't even look like him. 
Kowalski: Could have had plastic surgery. 
Fraser:   You could also be unhinged.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: So you need Ray Vecchio. 
Welsh:  By end of shift - five o'clock. 
Fraser: Which one, Sir? 
  -- Due South
%
Elaine: And we use the fish for? 
Fraser: For the games - bobbing for trout. You see, I've organized a
        traditional Yukon celebration in his honour. 
Welsh:  Couldn't you just bob for apples? 
Fraser: They're not very plentiful in the Yukon. 
Welsh:  Dumbest thing I ever heard. 
Elaine: Is that a traditional Inuit game? 
Fraser: No, the locals favour something called Twister. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: You and I both know I'm not Ray Vecchio. 
Fraser:   You're not? 
Kowalski: I don't even look like him. 
Fraser:   Well, you could have had plastic surgery. 
Kowalski: You are unhinged. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: ...at no time did they say, "Oh, by the way, you'll be working
          with a Mountie who's got a wolf who's a florist." 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski to Fraser: Can I ask you something? Do you find me attractive? 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: I'm like one of those, um, whatchamacallem... uh, knights 
          looking for the Holy Grill. 
Fraser:   Grail. 
Kowalski: What? 
Fraser:   Holy Grail. 
Kowalski: You sure? 
Fraser:   I'm pretty sure it's not a diner. 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser helps Kowalski out of the grave and in the process falls in
himself. Dief looks over the edge at him. 
Fraser: Ray. Ray?! Gimme a paw, Dief. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: You're a freak. 
Fraser:   Understood.
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski to Fraser: Haven't you tasted enough garbage for one day? 
  -- Due South
%
Albanian lady: Don't tell me - Capricon. 
Fraser:        No, I'm sorry - Canadian. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski to Bruce Spender: You work this job long enough, you'll discover -
  very few criminals actually commit a crime. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: I repeat myself when under stress. I repeat myself when under
          stress. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: On the inside I'm a poet. Outside - shake, bad guys,
          shake. 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser:   I'll talk to him. 
Kowalski: Torture. That - that is a good idea. I never thought of that. 
Fraser:   That's very funny, Ray. 
Kowalski, to himself: Polite cop, bad cop. It might work. 
  -- Due South
%
Welsh: Well, let's see if I've got this right. A guy saves a kid's life,
       and to show our gratitude we go to his house, knock down his door,
       cuff him, drag him here and grill the snot out of him. 
Kowalski: He had a gun. 
Welsh: Oh, he had a gun. Here in Chicago, a man had a gun. What is this
       world coming to. 
  -- Due South
%
Welsh: All right, if he's Jimmy Hoffa, keep him. Anyone else, set
       him free. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski, when Frannie joins the precinct:
   I'm gonna pass a bullet through my brain. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: Are you from another planet, Fraser? 
Fraser:   Not that I'm aware of. 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser:   Sir, I wonder if I might ask a question. 
Spender:  Sure, if you can tell me how a Mountie fits into this. 
Fraser:   My name is Constable Benton Fraser... 
Welsh:    He originally came to Chicago on the trail of his father's
          killer... 
Kowalski: And for a whole bunch of reasons he's decided to stick
          around... 
Fraser:   Attached as liaison with the Canadian Consulate. 
  -- Due South
%
Elaine:  They think maybe he killed another con while in prison. 
Fraser:  That's 'good behaviour'? 
Frannie: It's all relative. I mean, if the con is Jeffrey Dahmer... 
  -- Due South
%
Frannie:  A guy named Michaels was picked up for knocking flat a
          convenience store. 
Kowalski: Knockin' over. 
Frannie:  Over, flat, down, sideways. G-d! 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski, about Bruce's model: I could do that. I choose not to. 
  -- Due South
%
Welsh: Hey - cavalry's coming! Just like the movies! 
  -- Due South
%
Police Commissioner: All right, now what do we do after we've controlled
                     the suspect? 
Kowalski: Uh - kick him in the head? 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski, when Fraser starts on one of his tangents:
  Love you like a brother, Fraser, but let's not hear about that now.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser:   Chainsaw. 
Kowalski: Massacre. 
Fraser:   Closet. 
Kowalski: What kinda question's that? 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: This is my partner Fraser. He's Canadian. 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: I imagine you'd be named after the famous prosecuting attoney and
        former govenor of New York, Thomas Edmond Dewey. 
Dewey:  No, actually I was named after my uncle. He, uh, sold fish. 
  -- Due South
%
Dewey, about Fraser: Is this guy for real? 
Huey: The jury's still out on that. 
  -- Due South
%
Welsh: The alderman specifically requested you and Fraser. It seems 
       you exhibited some kind of competence this evening. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: Oh, now you've gone and done it - the wolf's upset. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: Have you ever heard of pre-emptive bodyguarding, Fraser? 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser opens the door, hitting Orsini. 
Kowalski: Thank you, Fraser. 
Fraser:   Sh! 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: Fraser! Um, say hypothetically, uh, something happens and you
          gotta take a bullet for the guy? Do me a favour. Don't. 
  -- Due South
%
Stella:   Think you're smart, don't you? 
Kowalski: Nah, you're the smart one - I'm just pretty. 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser grabs the champagne-bomb. 
Orsini: What are you doing? 
Fraser: It's a bad year. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: This is Chicago, Fraser. The only time people use chainsaws is
          when they're tryin' to get rid of a body. 
Fraser:   Right you are. 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser opens the closet he's been hearing noise coming out of. 
Fraser:   What do you see? 
Kowalski: Nothing. 
Fraser:   Just checking. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: Oh, great, what, we got the alderman on attempted suicide? 
Fraser:   Inducement to suicide is still a crime in the state of Illinois. 
Kowalski: Got the death penalty for that? 
Fraser:   Well I don't imagine the death penalty would be an effective
          deterrent for potential suicides. 
Kowalski: Right. Got a point there. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: I shoulda popped him in the head when I had the chance. 
  -- Due South
%
Thatcher: Not surprisingly my psychological profile is rock solid.
          Tunbull's mental state, however, was likened to a block of  
          Swiss cheese, but that's hardly news. 
Fraser:   And me, Sir? 
Thatcher: Acceptable. 
Fraser:   You don't by any chance happen to hear somebody singing, do you? 
  -- Due South
%
Bob Fraser: Come on in, it's cold out there. 
Fraser:     In actual fact it's twenty-two degrees Celsius. 
Bob Fraser: What's that in real temperature?
  -- Due South
%
Fraser, about the sacred stone structure: 
          It can tell you about the depth of the snow, or directions to
          the mainland, or where the best seals are. 
Kowalski: Great, if I ever need a seal I'll know where to come. And all 
          my friends have been asking, "Ray, where do you get all those 
          seals?" 
  -- Due South
%
Thatcher: What about the witnesses? 
Kowalski: Other than six people who swear the Mountie did it, nobody saw
          anything. 
  -- Due South
%
Welsh:    All right, whaddaya got? 
Kowalski: Forensics on the murder weapon. 
Welsh:    And? 
Kowalski: It's the murder weapon. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: What is the name, Frannie? 
Frannie:  It's on the pop sheet there. 
Kowalski: You mean rap sheet. 
Frannie:  Okay, rap. Pop. Country. Classical... 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: Could you elucidate, Sir? 
Welsh:  No, no, not since the late Sixties. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: I love you, Fraser. 
Fraser:   And I you, Ray. 
Kowalski: No, not literally. I mean, uh, symbolically or something. 
Fraser:   No, I know. Thank you. 
  -- Due South
%
Huey: Hey, if Fraser says it, it's true. Mounties can't lie. 
  -- Due South
%
Thatcher: I would never shoot a fellow officer. 
Welsh:    That's cause you never had Ray working under you - you'd change
          your tune. 
  -- Due South
%
Frannie wants to be hypnotised: Do it on me. 
Fraser:  Francesca, you weren't there. 
Frannie: Does that matter? 
Fraser:  Oddly, yes. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: Did you get anything outta me? 
Fraser:   Well, it would appear that you were abducted by aliens at
          the age of ten. 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser hypnotises Ray Kowalski, making him apologise to him when he says
the key word, and says to Welsh and Thatcher:
   It won't last long. Post-hypnotic suggestion rarely does, but it's 
   kind of enjoyable, isn't it? 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser:   Ray, have you considered contacts? 
Kowalski: Too much fuss. [Shoots at suspect] Have you considered a gun? 
Fraser:   Too many legalities. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski, aiming his gun at the suspect: 
  On the ground. [Realises] I will beat you to death with this empty gun! 
  -- Due South
%
Thatcher: Fraser! 
Fraser:   Duty calls. 
Kowalski: Bellows, more like. 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser: We could stand our ground and wait for backup, or we could give up.
        Now if we stand our ground they'll likely shoot us. If we give up... 
        well, they'll likely shoot us anyway. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: Does this conversation seem strangely familiar to you? 
Fraser:   Oddly, yes. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: You're a maniac, Fraser. 
Fraser:   Ray, you're overreacting. 
  -- Due South
%
Thatcher comes into Fraser's office to find him changing. 
Thatcher: You'd be hard to replace... cost-wise. I mean not everybody would
          live here in his underwear... Work... Live in a place where he 
          works. [She leaves, flustered.] 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser:   You know, Ray, we do not know that he's a pirate. For all we know
          he might be an accident-prone accountant. 
Kowalski: You ever try to run a calculator with a hook? 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser:   Well, it could have been a deranged accountant. 
Kowalski: That is so stupid. A deranged accountant? That's like saying a
          raging librarian. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: Does everybody in Canada know everybody? 
Fraser:   No. 
  -- Due South
%
Bob Fraser: Old? Who's he calling old? I've been dead for years and I 
            still look twice as good as he does! 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: You know what's funny? This is not the room I was looking for. 
  -- Due South
%
Turnbull: All we need to do is find the robbers and we'll find Constable
          Fraser! 
  -- Due South
%
Captain: Ah, Constable Fraser. I thought you were undercover. 
Fraser:  Well, I was. 
  -- Due South
%
Bob Fraser: See what I mean, Son? There's something wrong with this whole
            setup. Those are the worst looking ghosts I've ever seen. 
  -- Due South
%
Bob Fraser: This is why you need the Yank, so he can threaten them with
            force.
  -- Due South
%
Fraser:   It's our only option. 
Kowalski: That's an option? 
Fraser:   Well, no. 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser:   Think of yourself as a flower that opens by day and then it closes
          down at night. So think 'bloom, close, bloom, close'. 
Kowalski: All right, okay. What do I do with my feet? 
Fraser:   Just kick. Kick as though you were interviewing a suspect. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: What was that, Fraser? 
Fraser:   What was what? 
Kowalski: That thing you were doin' with your mouth? 
Fraser:   Oh, that. That was buddy breathing. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: Come on, Fraser, just tell me the truth. Just say, 'I'm gonna
          endanger your life. Ray, my friend, I'm going to endanger your 
          life in a wildly bizarre way.' 
Fraser:   All right. Ray, my friend, I'm going to endanger your life in a
          wildly bizarre way. 
  -- Due South
%
Fraser is coaching Kowalski as they swim towards the cargo ship. 
Fraser: Bloom... close... kick 'em in the head. Bloom... close... 
        kick 'em in the head. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: You're hogging all the room, Fraser. Can you move your leg? 
Fraser:   No, I can't move my leg. 
Kowalski: Why? 
Fraser:   It's asleep. 
Kowalski: Oh. 
  -- Due South
%
Bob Fraser: Oh, it's good to be back at sea again, Son. 
Fraser:     You've never been at sea, Dad. 
Bob Fraser: Well, I've been contemplating a cruise. 
  -- Due South
%
Kowalski: Shoot a gun. Who the hell throws a gun?
  -- Due South
%