Home → Humour → Real World

McDonnell Douglas

Aircraft - Space Systems - Missiles

Important! Important!
Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

  1. Title:
    Mr Mrs Ms Miss Lt. General
    Comrade Classified Other
    First Name:
    Initial:
    LastName:
    Latitude:
    Longitude:
    Altitude:
    Password, Code Name, etc:
  2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
    F-14 Tomcat
    F-15 Eagle
    F-16 Falcon
    F-117 Stealth
    Classified
  3. Date of purchase:
    Month:
    Day:
    Year:
  4. Serial Number:
  5. Please check where this product was purchased:
    Received as Gift / Aid Package
    Catalog Showroom
    Sleazy Arms Broker
    Mail Order
    Discount Store
    Government Surplus
    Classified
  6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
    Heard loud noise, looked up
    Store Display
    Espionage
    Recommended by friend/relative/ally
    Political lobbying by Manufacturer
    Was attacked by one
  7. Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
    Style/Appearance
    Kickback/Bribe
    Recommended by salesperson
    Speed/Maneuverability
    Comfort/Convenience
    McDonnell Douglas Reputation
    Advanced Weapons Systems
    Price/Value
    Back-Room Politics
    Negative experience opposing one in combat
  8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
    North America
    Central/South America
    Aircraft Carrier
    Europe
    Middle East
    Africa
    Asia/Far East
    Misc. Third-World Countries
    Classified
  9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to purchase in the near future:
    Color TV:
    Own
    Intend to purchase
    VCR
    Own
    Intend to purchase
    ICBM
    Own
    Intend to purchase
    Killer Satellite
    Own
    Intend to purchase
    CD Player
    Own
    Intend to purchase
    Air-to-Air Missiles
    Own
    Intend to purchase
    Space Shuttle
    Own
    Intend to purchase
    Home Computer
    Own
    Intend to purchase
    Nuclear Weapon
    Own
    Intend to purchase
  10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply:
    Communist/Socialist
    Terrorist
    Crazed (Islamic)
    Crazed (Other)
    Neutral
    Democratic
    Dictatorship
    Corrupt (Latin American)
    Corrupt (Other)
    Primitive/Tribal
  11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
    Cash
    Suitcases of Cocaine
    Oil Revenues
    Deficit Spending
    Personal Check
    Credit Card
    Ransom Money
    Traveler's Check
  12. Occupation
    Homemaker
    You
    Spouse
    Sales/Marketing
    You
    Spouse
    Revolutionary
    You
    Spouse
    Clerical
    You
    Spouse
    Mercenary
    You
    Spouse
    Tyrant
    You
    Spouse
    Middle Management
    You
    Spouse
    Eccentric Billionaire
    You
    Spouse
    Defense Minister/General
    You
    Spouse
    Retired
    You
    Spouse
    Student
    You
    Spouse
  13. To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
    Golf
    You
    Spouse
    Boating/Sailing
    You
    Spouse
    Sabotage
    You
    Spouse
    Running/Jogging
    You
    Spouse
    Propaganda/Disinformation
    You
    Spouse
    Destabilizing/Overthrow
    You
    Spouse
    Default on Loans
    You
    Spouse
    Gardening
    You
    Spouse
    Crafts
    You
    Spouse
    Black Market/Smuggling
    You
    Spouse
    Collectibles/Collections
    You
    Spouse
    Watching Sports on TV
    You
    Spouse
    Wines
    You
    Spouse
    Interrogation/Torture
    You
    Spouse
    Household Pets
    You
    Spouse
    Crushing Rebellions
    You
    Spouse
    Espionage/Reconnaissance
    You
    Spouse
    Fashion Clothing
    You
    Spouse
    Border Disputes
    You
    Spouse
    Mutually Assured Destruction
    You
    Spouse

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future -- as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800
St. Louis, MO 55500

Home → Humour → Real World
Web pages maintained by Adrian Hilton